Teasing and Bullying: No Laughing Matter
Know the facts about bullying — even if you don’t think it affects your child.
Unfortunately, teasing is often part of growing up — almost every child experiences it. But it isn’t always as innocuous as it seems. Words can cause pain. Teasing becomes bullying when it is repetitive or when there is a conscious intent to hurt another child. It can be verbal (making threats, name-calling), psychological (excluding children, spreading rumors), or physical (hitting, pushing, taking a child’s possessions).
How Bullying Starts
Bullying behavior is prevalent throughout the world and it cuts across socio-economic, racial/ethnic, and cultural lines. Researchers estimate that 20 to 30 percent of school-age children are involved in bullying incidents, as either perpetrators or victims. Bullying can begin as early as preschool and intensify during transitional stages, such as starting school in 1st grade or going into middle school.
Victims are often shy and tend to be physically weaker than their peers. They may also have low self-esteem and poor social skills, which makes it hard for them to stand up for themselves. Bullies consider these children safe targets because they usually don’t retaliate.
Effects of Bullying
If your child is the victim of a bully, he may suffer physically and emotionally, and his schoolwork will likely show it. Grades drop because, instead of listening to the teacher, kids are wondering what they did wrong and whether anyone will sit with them at lunch. If bullying persists, they may be afraid to go to school. Problems with low self-esteem and depression can last into adulthood and interfere with personal and professional lives.
Bullies are affected too, even into adulthood; they may have difficulty forming positive relationships. They are more apt to use tobacco and alcohol, and to be abusive spouses. Some studies have even found a correlation with later criminal activities.
Warning Signs
If you’re concerned that your child is being teased or bullied, look for these signs of stress:
Increased passivity or withdrawal
Frequent crying
Recurrent complaints of physical symptoms such as stomach-aches or headaches with no apparent cause
Unexplained bruises
Sudden drop in grades or other learning problems
Not wanting to go to school
Significant changes in social life — suddenly no one is calling or extending invitations
Sudden change in the way your child talks — calling herself a loser, or a former friend a jerk
How to Help
First, give your child space to talk. If she recounts incidences of teasing or bullying, be empathetic. If your child has trouble verbalizing her feelings, read a story about children being teased or bullied. You can also use puppets, dolls, or stuffed animals to encourage a young child to act out problems.
Once you’ve opened the door, help your child begin to problem-solve. Role-play situations and teach your child ways to respond. You might also need to help your child find a way to move on by encouraging her to reach out and make new friends. She might join teams and school clubs to widen her circle.
At home and on the playground:
Adults need to intervene to help children resolve bullying issues, but calling another parent directly can be tricky unless he or she is a close friend. It is easy to find yourself in a “he said/she said” argument. Try to find an intermediary: even if the bullying occurs outside of school, a teacher, counselor, coach, or after-school program director may be able to help mediate a productive discussion.
If you do find yourself talking directly to the other parent, try to do it in person rather than over the phone. Don’t begin with an angry recounting of the other child’s offenses. Set the stage for a collaborative approach by suggesting going to the playground, or walking the children to school together, to observe interactions and jointly express disapproval for any unacceptable behavior.
At school:
Many schools (sometimes as part of a statewide effort) have programs especially designed to raise awareness of bullying behavior and to help parents and teachers deal effectively with it. Check with your local school district to see if it has such a program.
Schools and parents can work effectively behind the scenes to help a child meet and make new friends via study groups or science-lab partnerships. If you are concerned about your child:
Most kids are vigorously groomed to someday play a professional sport. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this, sports teach kids to be strong, have structure and how to work as a team. One fact that should be emphasized is the standard of acceptance at the collegiate level. Many kids do not understand that if you do not receive excellent grades and do very well on your final exams, you will not go further, despite the consistent practice and hard work you put in to your high school’s team. Simply stated, “If you don’t pass, you will not play”.
Communicate your values about drugs and alcohol to your children. It will give them a set of guidelines to help them make healthy decisions. Here are five quick pointers for bringing up the subject.
- Begin your discussions about drugs and alcohol long before the teenage years.
- Don’t mount a personal attack, deliver a sermon, or convene a family conference to open a dialogue on a tough subject.
- Instead of taking the “big talk” approach, look for opportunities in everyday conversation to develop a dialogue with your kids.
- You can’t stop your teenager from being curious about drugs and alcohol, and you can’t shield her from the social pressure to use them. But you canencourage her self-worth, give her the hard facts, establish firm limits, and keep the lines of “communication without condemnation” open.
- Don’t just preach it — live it! Serve as your own example of your beliefs and values concerning drugs and alcohol.
Teaching teamwork, Why is it so important
There are many group tasks given to teach teamwork to students that enables practicing positive and productive communication amongst themselves. Team projects, tedious tasks, and a long range of games will involve productive teamwork skills students must employ to be successful. Much of the work students complete for credit is on an individual basis. By assigning a lesson to be learned as a group, you will usually spark a welcomed change in behavior.
The Importance of Effective Communication
In teaching teamwork to students, you must highlight its importance and what skills are needed to communicate effectively when working with others. Here are some vital skills you can share and discuss with your students.
Listening:
The most important rule is that students need to listen. Primarily so that others can speak without being interrupted; Second, so everyone can learn and engage in the discussion. A simple way of assisting the students with this skill is to hand only the speaker an object. You will signify only one person can speak at a time and it is the student holding the object. I use a fluffy animal but it can be anything, I’ve had groups of students who have just used a particular pencil.
Speaking:
Members will need to speak in groups, sharing their own ideas and providing feedback to others’ ideas. Many students face no challenge talking to classmates, but to work effectively in a group students must learn to speak respectfully to everyone. While speaking, students need to express their ideas quickly yet clearly so that they are easily understood. Your listeners can tune out if someone is talking for too long or jumping from one idea to another. Remember younger children have a shorter attention span than adults.
Confidence:
Not so much a team skill as much as a personal ability but it’s one students should practice and learn. To participate in teamwork students need the confidence to express their ideas and accept criticism without becoming too offended to continue. Building a student’s confidence can be a long, elusive process. Providing more opportunities for your students to work in groups will exercise listening and speech skills which in turn will increase their confidence.
The Benefits of Teamwork
There is plenty you can discuss when teaching teamwork skills such as respect, leadership and assignment of roles and responsibilities. The effects of working in a group can be taught once the basic fundamentals of listening, speaking and confidence have been discussed and practiced.
An excellent way of introducing students to teamwork and to help them better their abilities is through classroom games, either as groups or in pairs. Games are a great engaging way for students to enjoy working as a team.
You will find a good list of classroom games the website Rich Game for Learning: www.richgamesforlearning.com
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Bullying – Top 8 Distinguishing Characteristics
Characteristics of a Bully
- Excessive teasing
- Threats
- Intimidation
- Stalking
- Cyberbullying
- Physical violence
- Sexual, religious, or racial harassment
- Public humiliation
Some of the signs that this is bullying and not an isolated instance of rudeness or insensitivity include:
- This is systematic, frequent behavior. Bullying involves repeated acts of aggression
- There is an unequal distribution of power between bully and victim
- The behavior is unfair and one-sided
- There is an intent by the bully to dominate, humiliate, or intimidate
Bullies use behaviors that they think will give them status or that gives them a feeling of control. They usually seek out victims they can successfully bully. Victims are not responsible for being bullied but there are some victims who are not socially successful, and may annoy others, perhaps in an attempt to gain attention from their peers. Bullies use these behaviors to justify their own actions. To many bullies, their victims were “asking for it.” They believe that the other child antagonized them and therefore caused the problem. A part of educating students about bullying is to teach the lesson that we all have the right to be ourselves as long as we don’t harm others. We may be different from each other but we both have the right to pursue our lives free from the bullying behavior from others.
Boys and girls are equally likely to be victims and, while the methods may vary, the frequency of bullying behavior is the same for boys and girls. Bullies are not generally loners. Many times they are less socially isolated than their victims and can usually maintain a peer group, often one that supports their aggressions.
While students can do some things to help prevent bullying behavior, most bullying will not change unless there is adult intervention. If you believe you are being bullied, speak to an adult, either a teacher, a dean, or someone in the main office. We will deal with it in such a way that things are not made worse for you as a result of you reporting it. If you are not comfortable with that, send an email or put a note in the drop-box located in the main office. Help us help you have a wonderful middle school experience.
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